One Long Year

It's been a year ago today that my wife passed away.  Things were a blur at first.  Hard wouldn't even begin to describe how life was when it happened.  So many thoughts were running through my head about my son, what we would do, where we would go, how we would cope without her, and last of all, me.

Things are still hard.  It's not easy being a single parent.  Finding the motivation to get out of bed on days like this and just get around are really difficult.  There are days when I tell myself that I need to get up and get out, but I don't.  But then again, there are days that I do.  Sometimes, it's hard to walk that fine line between keeping it together and falling apart.  Madix and I have done well so far.

The support I've gotten from my friends and family has been a big help.  In fact, I don't think I could have done it without them.  I've had a lot of encouragement from acquaintances and even strangers who've heard of me and wish us luck with everything we do.  Some of that encouragement has come from people who read this blog and watch the videos.

To all of you:  Thank you.

-Andy

Do It For The Ones You Love

Amber Allen Fields

October 11th, 1984 - June 25th, 2011

On Saturday, the 25th of June, my world was turned upside down destroyed from the inside out.  I lost the most wonderful person in the world; my wife.  She was killed in a car wreck while traveling home from work. I, myself, was getting ready for work at home with my son, Madix.  For us, it was a normal day of playing together, having a good time, and waiting for Mommy to come home.

Except Mommy didn't come home this time.

Now, my three year-old only has me left.  He'll be turning four this month, and his mommy isn't going to be there to see it and celebrate it with him.  He's certainly not going to have an easy life because of it.  I am only thankful that he is too young to truly understand what a difficult hand that has been dealt to him this early in his life.

It is things like this that make us think really hard about what we're doing with ourselves.  My son has been left with an overweight father who is at risk for too many medical emergencies including hyperglycemia (blood sugar too high), hypoglycemia (blood sugar too low), myocardial infarction (heart attack, along with many other heart risks), cerebrovascular attack (stroke), hypoxia (short of air), and so on and so forth.  

Is that the way I want my son to see me?  Is that the way I want him to know that I lived?  If I die, who will take care of him after me?  Who will take him for his first day of school?  Who will watch him play his first sport?  Who will teach him how to drive?  Who will talk to him about girls?  Who will help him get ready for his prom or watch him graduate?  Who will watch as he gets married?

His options have been cut in half by something that nobody had any control over.  Is it fair to him for me to live like this now?

I, most certainly, do not think it is.  And that is why I have to work harder than ever.  I have to be the best that I can be at all times, and teach my son to be that way as well.  

And I hope that this message serves as a wake-up call for all of you.  I pray that none of you will ever have to go through what my family has in the past few days, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't live like it couldn't.  Don't give God -or fate- a chance to take you for some reason that you could have prevented.  Get yourself healthy, and keep yourself that way.  I beg that of you.

As for me and mine now, we have things to do.  We're going to get out of the world for a few days and try to relax a little.  When I get back, I'll update you more on what we're doing, how we're doing, and what our plans are.  In the meantime, take care of yourselves.  Do it for the ones you love, because tomorrow might not be the same.